Vampire Generator

click here to make a vampire maybe???

(you're not allowed to read this post unless you are also listening to this vampire song. i'm sorry. deal with it though)

General Aesthetic

1. Decadent aristocrat. Lord Byron, Elizabeth Bathory, the Earl of Rochester
2. Brutish cod-medieval warchief. Vlad Dracul, Ivar the Boneless, Khal Drogo
3. Pale, obese slug-thing that never sees light. Baron Harkonnen, Judge Holden, William Howard Taft
4. Ethereal, androgynous starcreature. David Bowie, Tilda Swinton, Elric of Melnibone
5. Swaggering, brokentoothed anarchist. Tank Girl, Sid Vicious, Shane MacGowan
6. Handsome, amoral ladykiller. Casanova, James Bond, Don Draper
7. Evil clown. Hop-Frog, Pennywise, the Fool from King Lear
8. Genteel academic. Stephen Fry, Stephen Strange, Hannibal Lecter
9. Gibbering lunatic. Caligula, George III of England, Tom O'Bedlam
10. Ageless preteen. Little Nemo, the Childlike Empress, Alice Liddell
11. Hideous batfaced thing that should not be. Charles II of Spain, the Elephant Man, Shane MacGowan again
12. Lovable waistcoated caricature. Count Chocula, Otto von Chriek, the Count (who likes to count)

Henchpersons

1. Three beautiful, utterly devoted thrall-brides of whatever gender
2. Spider-eating prophetic madman who will eventually graduate to cannibalism
3. Tongueless bald colossus w/ scimitar
4. Scuttling hunchback w/ extensive surgical repertoire, ability to get anything at any time, questionable loyalty
5. Sycophantic, exquisitely-dressed albino manservant. Has identical twin. You will not find this out until too late
6. Foursome of horn-helmeted, perpetually drunk berserkers, tired of life of luxury, spoiling for combat
7. Enslaved genius debate-partner, kept in cage, must win chess games to earn bread
8. One-eyed, slobbering kennelmaster w/ legion of black dogs
9. Wobbly, opiated pervert, kept around for unparalleled skill in concocting, organizing, new and more resplendent deviations
10. Mysterious chevalier, visor down, holy symbol on shield, bound to vamp for unclear reasons
11. White tiger
12. Enormous snake. No, bigger than that

Retinue

1. Simpering, periwigged courtiers all hoping for advancement to vampiric status in own right
2. Capering, howling maniacs in chains, straitjackets. White-clad keepers in masks and heavy gloves
3. Lounging courtesans of whatever gender, clad in wisps of silk. Faces veiled. Funny smell
4. Animal skin-clad thugs w/ improvised weapons, no indoor voices. Fights constantly breaking out
5. Obsequious servants, constantly underfoot. Frequently butchered by vamp for minor missteps
6. Battalion of bureaucrats. Reams of paperwork to be filled out before vamp is even seen
7. Coterie of thieves, unwashed, pragmatic. Alliance w/ vamp uneasy. Dissension in ranks, but thieves' leader determined to stay the course
8. Star-struck fancult. Consider themselves barely worthy to touch vamp. Always raving about its latest exploits
9. Whole evil circus. Clowns, acrobats, strongmen, firebreathers. None have long-term memory
10. Pentinents, monks, flagellants in orgy of self-mutilation. Castle goes through daily cartload of hair shirts, spiked chains, whips
11. Ordinary human children
12. Wolves

Castle

1. Gilded, ornate, rococo. Art collection, hall of mirrors, ballroom. Poorly-maintained, mirrors cracked and gold tarnished
2. Damp, boggy, half-sunken into moat. Mosquitoes, croaking of toads inescapable
3. Craggy and gothic. West wall collapsed long ago, now mass of rubble and ivy
4. Star fort. Unadorned, practical, eminently defensible
5. Seems to be 90% torture chamber. Above-ground part burnt down a long time ago. Still smells faintly of ash and blood
6. Cod-oriental pleasure palace. Segregated women's quarters, geometrically complex wall decorations
7. Two very tall towers w/ bridge connecting them. Tiny little courtyard. Still technically a castle
8. Crumbling country house. Eyes of portraits may or may not follow you. Not a castle, but vamp will call it one anyway
9. Surprisingly extensive tomb complex beneath local graveyard. Also not a castle
10. Furnished, legally-rented mansion in heart of city's most fashionable district. Aggressively not a castle
11. Private suite of rooms in habitation of befriended local dignitary/monarch. May or may not be in a castle
12. Pirate ship

Attitude To PCs

1. Hungry. Will kill, eat on sight
2. Not interested. Will turn away at gates
3. Bored enough to invite in for dinner, delay murder long enough for conversation
4. Actively searching for new people to talk to. Will seek out, kidnap the lively and intelligent
5. Party in full rage, crashers welcome. Vampire blind drunk and unpredictable
6. Hungover. 50% chance to either dismiss or murder anyone who shows up without a cure
7. Socially awkward. Wants to lure into castle and devour, but uncomfortable w/ making conversation
8. This vampire wants to fuck. It is a vampire that wants to fuck
9. Just ate, in brief period where not hungry, can behave like normal person for like five seconds
10. Wracked with guilt over being vampire, flagellating self, others. Will beg party's forgiveness for crimes they've never heard of
11. So absorbed in difficult logical/aesthetic problem that not thinking about eating people. Wants help w/ crossword puzzle or symphony it's writing
12. Just read amazing book and wants to tell someone all about it

Powers (roll two) (or as many as you want I guess I'm not your boss)

1. Reads minds at will, dispenses one-word suggestion 3/night
2. Permanent charm effect, must make Will save not to like and trust it
3. Can shapeshift 3/night into wolf, bat, swarm of centipedes
4. Can shapeshift 3/night into cloud of choking mist
5. Controls weather at will, but slowly. Takes full hour to go from clear skies to raging storm. Can choose location of next lightning strike with 50% accuracy
6. All vermin within 50' do its bidding and act as an extension of its body
7. Turns invisible at will
8. Can lift and throw up to 50 pounds telekinetically, at will
9. Can cast fireball 3/night, has no vampire weakness to fire
10. Ghost of anyone it kills becomes bound to it forever. Can have up to 3 ghost servants active at one time
11. Flies
12. Can never be permanently killed, ever

Weaknesses (besides fire, stakes, beheading, all of which work on all vampires)

1. Can't cross running water
2. Can't enter a private home unless invited
3. Poisoned by silver
4. Poisoned by garlic
5. Poisoned by lemons
6. Poisoned by charcoal
7. Physically cut and bludgeoned by the laughter of children. Any child old enough to understand that you need it to laugh on cue is too old to work for this
8. Pick a symbol at random. Could be a crucifix, an ampersand, a corporate logo, whatever. Vamp terrified of that symbol
9. Can't eat or drink anything that isn't blood, or will vomit copiously and compulsively
10. Must sleep all day in dirt it was originally buried in. Guards dirt jealously. Has lost maybe a couple spoonfuls over years, wants them back
11. Can only derive nourishment from blood of certain kind of person - virgins, monarchs, geniuses, etc.
12. Allergic to blood of particular kind of person, must avoid them at all costs

Personality Traits

1. Won't kill an intellectual equal until it has proved to its satisfaction that it is smarter than they are
2. Won't kill anyone it finds attractive before making a serious attempt to convince them to become a willing victim
3. Has something to prove. Will accept any challenge or dare, except obviously stupid ones like "I dare you to kill yourself". Not an idiot.
4. An idiot
5. Insanely vain. Won't kill a flatterer so long as it believes their flattery authentic
6. Desperately paranoid. Will ally with weaklings if they can convince it there exists a greater threat
7. Insufferably pompous. Needs somebody to talk down to, will keep people alive for that reason
8. No social skills. Made deeply uncomfortable by even casual conversation. Rather be eating people. Lonely but unwilling to do anything about it
9. Too many social skills. Demands conversation, attention, high-energy party atmosphere. Gets morose and depressed if alone for too long. Finds that constantly having to eat people cramps its style
10. Agoraphobic. Finds it hard to leave castle
11. Claustrophobic. Finds it hard to stay in castle
12. Likes to count. If presented with more than 1000 of a thing, must make Will save, or can't do anything else until it knows exactly how many of them there are. Gets Will save every time this is disrupted, like if you kick away the grains of rice. Any attempt to game this rule, e.g. by pointing out that there's more than 1000 stars in the sky, automatically fails and the vampire gets an attack of opportunity on whoever made it

Plot Hook

1. Vampire possesses only extant map of Hell
2. Only heir of local dignitary fallen in love w/ vampire, plans to marry them. Dignitary not keen, as vampire infertility would mean end of their lineage
3. Official vampire-slaying arm of local religious organization outsourcing work on the downlow. Lower echelons rebelling against pressure from higher-ups to live and let unlive
4. Renegade historian w/ axe to grind against imperial college seeks new primary source for bygone era, bodyguards to guarantee she survives interview
5. Vampire's influence in local politics waxing, thinks self vastly important, still no more than nuisance to real movers and shakers, who will send real assassin if you fail
6. According to tavern rumours, vampire's henchperson has treasure map tattooed on stomach
7. Vampire ambassador from vampire kingdom on other side of globe/moon. Must be shielded from religious agitators until diplomatic mission complete lest the Prime Vampire declare Vampire War
8. Eccentric gourmand will pay handsome sum for elfblood pudding direct from vampire kitchen
9. Vampire owes enormous gambling debt to local crimelord who in turns owes the money to someone else, feels like idiot for lending to vampire
10. Architect seeks precise blueprints of vampire's castle in order to reconstruct for wealthy client
11. Vampire's parties last all night, warlock in next castle over has noise complaints
12. After night of carousing PCs wake up in heart of castle, must escape alive, not get distracted by possibility of stealing shiny things