Tuesday 22 March 2016


I made a Twine game. It's called A THING CALLED DRACULA. For some reason that works in all caps but not in normal caps.

It's a big spooky impressionistic romp across 1890s Europe and I don't know if that's something anybody is interested in but me. It's loosely modelled on Meg Jayanth and some other people's 80 Days. But spookier. Here it is.

Here are some of the pictures which inspired it. If you have a blog entry without pictures in it that means you did a mistake.


Wednesday 16 March 2016

We Cursed These 12 Pirate Captains And You Won't Believe What Happened Next

They are still acting as captains, mind you, it's just that they are a:
  1. Parrot. Looks at you with their head swung to the side, one eye open the other closed. Panoramic vision makes brain hurt. Gathers gossip, intelligence from seagulls.
  2. Swarm of rats. Can't speak, but masters of cartography. Several will pause to stare disapprovingly if you make a rat joke.
  3. Ship. Wheel turns on its own and crew scurry to keep up. Gives orders once a night at midnight answering yes/no questions. Silence means yes, horrible creaking means no.
  4. Collective memory. The old crew can still hear a voice barking orders just over their shoulder. Spend enough time around them and you start feeling the stare of dead eyes.
  5. Tarot deck. The more ways to deal a deck you know the more complex the conversations you can have. Afraid of being transformed back and losing powers of foresight.
  6. Figurehead. Has had self removed from prow and set into back of wheel. Old enough to know basically everything about the sea.
  7. Elaborate wig. Grows roots into anyone wearing them and gradually takes control. First thing they instill is a phobia of open flames.
  8. Bank of fog. Can't go up on deck during high wind. Impossible to otherwise kill. Insists they are still a real person despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
  9. Coral reef. Their fleet is anchored around them. Commandeered ships of no use scuttled, added to mass beneath the waves. Communicates semaphore-style with schools of colourful fish.
  10. Barrel of Rum. Drinking more strengthens the urge to sail to a specific place and rob specific people, working oddly well as a team with all these people you just met tonight. Watering down the barrel does not diminish the effect.
  11. Orangutan. Hates sound of own voice and does not speak. Evocative with sign language. Could already kill with bare hands before transformation, but enjoys improved climbing ability.
  12. Sea monster. Mash-up of Davey Jones, the monster from The Host and the swarm demon from the Constantine movie, but all fish obviously.
Don't even TELL me this isn't super usable. Grab your faves and tell your PC's they have to turn them all back. Introduce one as a cute side character/source/fence/villain. Introduce two as fighting over a potential cure. Just think about the seahag that cursed them all!

Friday 11 March 2016

The Journey that is Watching Krull

So we watched the movie Krull tonight. You need to start watching it right now it is so tops.
  • Teleporting castle that is a space ship and also a big fractal statue of the beast that lives in it and also is just a tree stump
  • You have to find a seer to tell you where the castle is and get there in a day or it moves
  • Army of alien suits of armour that look like Alien extras controlled by meat slugs in the head compartment
  • Magic golden shuriken found innocuous patch of.... I think that was lava? Not allowed to use it until the boss
  • Wizard whose only power is turning into a puppy is introduced by shooting himself like a firework at the party and into a pond
  • Cyclopses that can see the moment of their death and are really big miserable fucks
  • Sawdust swamp that is like five foot of water with two feet of sawdust floating on it
  • The party has to take a blind wizard on a journey but they get replaced by a doppelganger on like day one
  • Spider made of glass that is turned off when the sand from a special hourglass is falling
  • Woman covered in veils that lives in a cocoon room in the web of said spider
  • You want what she knows but if you manage to escape the spider throws a tantrum and kills her
  • My apologies they appear to be 'firebrands' and they can run really fast but it sets fire to the ground and presumably just fucks the environment/any nearby farms
  • Touch the magic wall you get sucked into a spikey death room
  • The boss is a lizard with Swamp Thing's mouth that shoots Ganondorf energy balls
  • Marriage is fire powers
  • When the castle explodes all the chunks fall upwards and it looks great

This movie had no idea that women existed, so be ready for that
"I'm just an old man looking for my potatoes"
Only shot in the film you could put in something made tomorrow and have look good