Sunday 17 January 2016

Spoop House Bingo

spoop house is where the ghostman be. if ur gonna go into the spoop house you gotta rememer your spoop bingo which look like this:

dead leaves in corners even though no trees
there keep happening blood
wind noises
house owner is scary OR creepy (or both!!)
the doors keep opening (but nobody opened them!!)
anybody limping
a spooky story about basically anything
lots of organ music
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 |   |_ |         | _|  |
 \          /_\         /
   \                    /
moths OR birds
there are flies crawling around but their bodies are all broken they should be dead (wow)
shit poems
the 1890s
cats but specially LOTSA cats
in the mirror there is a person (but they aren't in the not mirror)
lots of organs
everyone in the house is either evil or suuuuuper dumb
cold bits
a man that comes up to you and says 'that house is ghosts!!!'

and be careful cause you dont yell bingo instead there are ghosts and you gotta RUN!!!!

Friday 15 January 2016

Bigger Rations

Ration systems have always kind of shat me off. They're either a pedantic, flavourless mini-game of addition and subtraction or they're totally forgotten about. In order to make rations more interesting I have done the only sensible thing and made them bigger.

These should now work as practical, reasonable loot and also maybe be actual useful tools for once.

You All Spend The Next Week Eating A

  1. child-sized sack of dates
  2. animal carcass
  3. cask of olives in oil
  4. rack of fish
  5. salted rat king
  6. enormous clay pot of pickles
  7. crate of fruitcakes
  8. cauldron of thick soup
  9. bunch of bunches of bananas
  10. single, enormously long sausage
  11. bale of nutritious but bitter herbs
  12. stack of stale pies
  13. small tin of brownish lard
  14. bundle of gristly bones
  15. flock of live chickens
  16. wheel of cheese
  17. ten-foot stale baguette
  18. necklace of dried toads
  19. potted pear tree
  20. pyramid of pineapples
Look for our next post: 20 Ways to Carry Water That Are Only Slightly Boring

Monday 11 January 2016

Professions in the Belt

  1. Asteroid Miner
  2. Comet Hauler
  3. Battery Salesman
  4. AI Breeder
  5. Marshal
  6. Pilot
  7. Guide
  8. Noodle Shop Owner
  9. Brewer
  10. Trafficker
  11. Undertaker
  12. Drone Trainer
  13. Mechanic
  14. Worm Farmer
  15. Mendicant
  16. Card Sharp
  17. Welder
  18. Tracker
  19. Minesweeper
  20. Ratcatcher
  21. Bodyguard
  22. Safecracker
  23. Bandit
  24. Unionist
  25. Factory Worker
  26. Anarchist
  27. Navigator
  28. Gunner
  29. Solar Sailor
  30. Horticulturalist
  31. Lensgrinder
  32. Electrician
  33. Plumber
  34. Drycleaner
  35. Doctor
  36. Counselor
  37. Salvager
  38. Radiation Scrubber
  39. Organ Trader
  40. Cook
  41. Gas Merchant
  42. Hitman
  43. Clock Synchronizer
  44. Trucker
  45. Saloon Owner
  46. Barkeep
  47. Companion
  48. Pawnbroker
  49. Wine Microbiologist
  50. Pornstar