Saturday, 19 December 2015

The Salt

It's called The Salt. Or just Salt, depending on your grammatical preferences. There are other names in other languages but you don't speak those languages and you won't need those names.

Salt is not one desert, though foreigners sometimes can't tell the difference. The north is cold; sleet and ice and salt. The north kills you without you ever knowing. Here the salt is spiteful. The centre is hot; sun and sand and salt. You can feel your death days away. Here the salt is patient. The south is not a desert at all; scrub and hogs and salt. In the south it is the people that kill you. Here the salt is valuable.

In truth, all salt has its uses. Pink salt, wrapped in northern ice, burns with unrelenting flame, makes fireworks and lures evil spirits. Black salt, still warm from the desert sun, burns out poisons and gives glimpses of the future. White salt, scraped off the desert mangroves, tastes really, really good.

The salt trade is everything in Salt. The country is named for it, after all. The deserts won't grow food crops. Even the far south cannot support the grains and cattle other nations thrive off. Instead, great caravans turn the Three Wheels of Salt. The northern wheel runs clockwise, from glacier down to frozen sand. The aurochs are biggest here, the height of five horses. Loads are strung up on their backs and ribbons knotted through their manes. The middle wheel runs counterclockwise. From frozen sands through a hundred leagues of dunes down to the broken spine of stone that marks the parched delta. The aurochs here drag stone sleds. Bone and bark armour clatters on their scarred, fur-less shoulders. The southern wheel is small and flat and bent. It runs clockwise below northern cliffs, down dry riverbeds and up their banks, touching two dozen different kingdoms that cart salt yet further south. The aurochs here are of another lineage. Scarcely larger than cattle, they work in teams to pull wagons and pick fights with hogs and wildcats.

How to make Gold from Salt

If you can get hold of an aurochs it's easy to find goods to trade, and there's always profit to be made turning the wheels. Most of this profit will not stay in your purse though. The Companions have steep protection fees, and setting out without a company's flag to fly is likely to cost your life.

It's possible, too, to turn against the wheel. Work is harder to find but few of the larger companies make trouble for a small caravan carrying messages and parcels on special request.

Travel without an aurochs is difficult, though not impossible in some regions. The western dunes have oases to rest at and to the east, on the slopes of the vast, dead plateaus, there are hardy groves of dates and figs, little herds of scrawny goats. Down south the there is far more food and water. The threats here are hogs and wildcats and bandits, if you've no circle of aurochs to shelter in.

Those roads that a woman may walk, that an aurochs cannot, hold some of the greatest treasures of Salt. The fine sands of the central deserts will swallow a lumber aurochs whole. Adventurers on sand shoes will have better luck pushing out to the ancient temples buried in the dunes. The cracked valleys in the east wind too tight for an aurochs to turn. Their bones can be found at the dead ends of these valleys, left to starve when their masters could not turn them back towards the desert. Here are the burial chambers of a thousand dead queens and princesses, sandstone guardians standing watch over funeral hordes. In the south there are battlefields from centuries past. Over bracken and broken trails that wagons cannot cross you may find the swords and axes of ancient warriors, caked with salt from each fiveyears' flood.

The north holds the richest treasures and the greatest perils. Deep in the ice are artefacts not of this realm. Devices of black stone and ancient magic. Ships that sail on the skies, leaving green wakes to light the snow below. Great snakes of ice, wolves the size of aurochs, ghasts and ghouls with bones of sleet and the ice madness, ever whispering. Here are the gates to Hyperborea.

Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Pirate Generator

In the tradition of such Dunkey classics as Witch Generator and Vampire Generator, we present to you: Pirate Generator. Generate all the things. In the future there is nothing that will not be generated.

click the fight, get a pirate, fight the pirate

Sunday, 13 December 2015

Dungeon Generator

So you remember that nifty biome generator we made a while ago. Did that again but dungeons. Change the number in the url to change how many rooms your dungeon has. HAVE FUN.

It's got like 2,400 creature combinations, with 120 adjectives and 20 nouns for each thing in the biome. There are about 120 rooms, 20 for for each room type and 20 general ones. And the NPC generation just completely rocks. THIS IS NOT ENOUGH. For version 2 we'll probably crowdsource a million more rooms from y'all.

Version 1.2 will be first though! It'll let you generate biomes and NPCs and items and dungeon maps and all that separately. Start holding your breath yo.

Saturday, 5 December 2015

Music as Currency. Music is Currency.

It's a dystopia. It's always a dystopia. They let you do the weirdest things with every day stuff (please start a debate about that in the comments) and that makes them accessible and interesting.

So in this dystopia, as in all dystopias, people are deeply fucking bored. Always. They still remember the internet, or stories of it. Endless information piped from across the globe. The freshest content renewed with every f5. But now it's just smoke and craters for forever, and subsistence farming doesn't make you feel enriched when all your food tastes like shit. But even though dvd players and working tvs are hard to find and electricity hard to produce, mp3 players are everywhere. Every phone, every ipod, every stereo, every car radio with a cable jack or a usb port, it all gets used to endlessly loop the culture of dead civilisations.

But you get bored of hearing the same song over and over and over, especially when that song sucks, so obviously you trade them. With limited access to computers you can rarely copy an mp3, but you can trade one ipod for a stack of cds. All it takes is figuring out about what each song is worth. It turns out that is very hard.

Pop songs are clearly worth the least; they're common and lack depth. But, then, everyone likes them. They're guaranteed currency wherever you go, so that makes them worth more again. Rarer stuff is worth more to a collector, but who has time to collect in dystopia? You might be able to trade Vivaldi and Sigur Ros and the Sesame St theme with one of the Aquifer Queens, but if you're living rough in the badlands, Taylor Swift is better than gold.

And then there are the people that remember the stock market, and banks and mints and all the ways economies should work. So you get the one set of turntables in a thousand mile radius and go into business. Or you start printing banknotes, backed by the basement collection you found: every song, album and ep produced by The Beatles, or anyone that was in The Beatles, on cd, vinyl and live dvd. Or you just start speculating, telling people how many Adam Levine's they can get for a Drop It Like It's Hot remix. I'm not even sure that radio stations have a real-world allegory at this point. They definitely start wars.

Presumably, at some point, someone does just decide that bottlecaps have intrinsic worth. But think of life before that. How much is entertainment worth in a dead world?

Sunday, 29 November 2015

The Unfortunate Occurrence at Thumbroke Manor

I have decided I want to run Gothic horror games using Into the Odd. I think that's a good and normal thing to do.

So here's a game we did several days ago. I ran it and Nico was the only player. It took maybe an hour to write and a bunch more hours to play, which is a good return on investment, especially if any of you guys use it also. I'm good at being characters though so that means I don't need a lot more to a run a game than a couple of strong personalities in a tense relationship. Your skills may lie in other areas! See how it goes.

Thursday, 26 November 2015

The Town That Were Pubs

The Town That Were Pubs is only pubs. There are no streets. There are no houses. There are only pub.

Sailors talk about it in hushed tones.

There are windows. They look out onto a starry night and an endless sea of rooftops. The rooftops all belong to other pubs. Some of the rooftops are pubs in their own right. You can, in the distance, see a moonlit ocean. You cannot reach the moonlit ocean. Feel free to try though. Many a debauched evening has been spent in fruitless quest for the moonlit ocean.

The food is very good. Most pubs have a speciality or two. There is a great deal of rivalry between denizens of neighbouring pubs.

The bar staff all seem like normal people, but you have never heard of anyone you know being hired as one. The don't answer inconvenient questions about how it all works, but they're not dicks about it.

Most good pubs and all bad ones have a secret entrance to the Town That Were Pubs. You can of course only access the secret entrance when you are too drunk to remember where it is. Whenever players carouse they have a one in a thousand chance to wake up in the Town That Were Pubs.

You meet all sorts of interesting people in the Town That Were Pubs. Viking chieftains, Tang Dynasty poets, Nantucket whalers and labourers fresh from cutting stone for the Pyramids. Also wizards and elves and bug-eyed guys from Tatooine cantinas. The Town That Were Pubs respects no boundaries of time and space.

You can leave the Town That Were Pubs the same way you entered it - by getting so drunk you can't remember where the secret exit is. This generally happens if you hang out in the Town That Were Pubs long enough. Say for about an adventure's worth of time, or long enough to have a chat with an interesting stranger and find out a single important piece of information. When you leave you will not necessarily find yourself at the same point in the space-time continuum where you entered the Town That Were Pubs. Your memory of everything that happened within will be clouded by alcohol, and probably seem like a crazy dream.

Some scholars say that there exists an equivalent to the Town That Were Pubs for every different kind of building - that there is a Town That Were Libraries and a Town That Were Slaughterhouses and a Town That Were Post Offices and a Town That Were Public Toilets. Those guys are dicks and you should ignore them.

Saturday, 21 November 2015

Pub Names

These are names. Names for pubs. There's no special trick or anything.
Roll once on each of the tables below*, stick your results together. Or click the pretty pictures!

*We got too excited about names, so you're going to have to do 1d6*1d20 to get results

click 4 1 nameclick 4 many name