Saturday 25 June 2016

d10 Superheroes

  1. BLACKMOLD. Infected with a fungus that compels her to fight crime. Can exhale a paralyzing spore-cloud that cuts ten years off your life-span and gives you weekly migraines till you die, at which point mushrooms will grow from your body. Anything that eats the mushrooms becomes compelled to fight crime. Convinced that fighting crime was her own idea, will resist any suggestion to the contrary. Looks like Catwoman as played by Janeane Garofalo.
  2. THE RED MESSAGE. Hipster grandchild of Communists who left China in the thirties to proselytise to the American tongs. Equipped with jet-powered rollerblades, a grappling hook and a Mao suit, he plans to spread his radical red message to the funky streets of Brooklyn. Listens to Kasabian. Fights crime, insofar as all property is theft. 
  3. STROBE. Flickers in and out of reality at a frequency of her choosing, giving you headaches with a look and seizures with a touch. Can be invisible to video cameras or under halogen lights. Archnemesis is criminal mastermind with epilepsy.
  4. THE GREEN FEDORA. Learned katana mastery on the internet. Years of training against watermelons and Pepsi bottles in his parents' basement has prepared him to combat the forces of oppression and injustice everywhere they rear their ugly heads. Sidekick is a pillow.
  5. THE MONOCLE. Gentleman thief who stole an experimental utility monocle from the people who make gadgets for James Bond. X-Ray vision, heat vision, augmented reality. Would never look at your dick with the X-Ray vision because he is a gentleman.
  6. SINKHOLE. Can transform at will into a sinkhole. Wherever they're standing, now a sinkhole is there. Anything that falls inside her will be carried around until she chooses to vomit it up, which she can do in both human and sinkhole form.
  7. DOC POSITIVE. Physically springy. Bullets bounce off his chest. Bad guys hit by him go flying across the room with comical noises like they've been whacked with a piston-powered trampoline. Can leap tall buildings in a single bound and do that jumping coin punch Mario does in Smash Bros. Relentlessly upbeat and immune to sour vibes. Had all his bad energy sucked out of him by a scientist and put in a bottle somewhere.
  8. DOC TOPICAL. Has powers based on whatever's been in the news most recently. Brexit grants power to sever bonds between things, weed legalisation grants power to control smoke and fire, etc. Actually a secret experiment by Twitter to weaponise hashtags and harness the power of meme magic.
  9. GOATSONG. Owns a phone directory of Hell. Each demon owes her a favour. When all seventy-two favours are used up, gets dragged screaming into Hell.
  10. BOGMAN. A Neolithic superhero who was hurled into a Scottish peat bog by the legions of his enemy, the Bronze Wizard, after having dealt that foul sorcerer what seemed to be a mortal blow. He was preserved in a state of suspended animation for thousands of years by the mammoth-bone amulet that gave him his powers before being dug up by people constructing a golf course. Now he is a friendly bog mummy with super strength. The Bronze Wizard has also come back to life and is a rich property developer.
Additional bonus superteam: OCTOPUS SQUAD. Eight people, each of whom has one of the powers of the octopus. In emergencies they all hold hands to fuse like Captain Planet into a giant octopus. Inspired by Finding Dory.
  1. Flexible and rubbery. Can squeeze through tiny gaps.
  2. Four extra arms. Knows kung fu.
  3. Changes colour and skin texture to blend with her surroundings.
  4. Releases clouds of mystifying, lighter-than-air ink.
  5. Sucker cups on limbs. Can climb anything.
  6. Wrist siphons. Propels self around, knocks down enemies with jets of pressurised water.
  7. Paralysing touch, poisonous saliva.
  8. Can psychically predict the result of football matches.

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