Thursday 27 October 2016

Bond Villain Generator

no, mr bond, i expect you to click me

1. Deformity
  1. Metal hands
  2. Metal teeth
  3. Duelling scar
  4. Eyepatch
  5. Albinism
  6. Foul personal odour
  7. Superfluous third nipple
  8. Sunlight allergy
  9. Haemophiliac
  10. Can't feel pain
  11. Can't speak above a whisper
  12. Six fingers on left hand
2. Eccentricity
  1. Compulsively pursues a rare fish
  2. Believes self to be a deity
  3. Sexually obsessed with money
  4. Talks to pet and takes its advice
  5. Scared of ghosts, has to appease them
  6. Collects and destroys antiquities
  7. Claims to remember their past lives
  8. Addicted to gambling
  9. Dresses their troops in historical costume
  10. Will only eat raw meat
  11. Flagellates self as punishment for sins
  12. Passionately in love with at least one henchman
3. Day Job
  1. Assassin
  2. Dictator
  3. Cult leader
  4. Media mogul
  5. Financier
  6. Crime lord
  7. General
  8. Scientist
  9. Terrorist
  10. Aristocrat
  11. Philanthropist
  12. Intelligence agent
4. Lair
  1. Private Caribbean atoll
  2. Chateau in Swiss alps
  3. Abandoned Greek monastery
  4. Nuclear bunker in Siberia
  5. Circus-themed Vegas casino
  6. South African game reserve
  7. Japanese castle on volcanic island
  8. Pleasure palace of Indian royalty
  9. Luxury houseboat on the Nile
  10. Industrial complex in Amazon jungle
  11. Research station on Antarctic ice shelf
  12. Underwater habitat in Great Barrier Reef
5. Motive
  1. Personal - wants to see Bond suffer and die
  2. Political - wants to undermine England on behalf of foreign power
  3. Financial - wants to acquire cold hard cash
  4. Environmental - wants to cure Mother Earth of humanity's plague
  5. Racial - wants to defend their people from inferior ethnicities
  6. Religious - thinks God wants them to do it
  7. Reactionary - wants to restore a bygone age of politics and culture
  8. Revolutionary - wants to institute a radically new political system
  9. Ennui - got too rich, has nothing better to do
  10. Paranoia - thinks it's the only way to keep themself safe
  11. Melancholia - wants to commit suicide and take everyone with them
  12. Naivety - just a patsy, henchman is secret real villain
6. Plan
  1. Detonate an atomic bomb in a major city
  2. Steal formula for devastating virus from clandestine laboratory
  3. Steal famous gemstone and use it to power superweapon
  4. Undermine fabric of society by flooding streets with cheap drugs
  5. Simultaneously assassinate every world leader
  6. Destroy the stock market somehow, possibly with computers
  7. Eliminate sources of a vital commodity to monopolise the world's supply
  8. Replace kidnapped politicians with surgically-modified duplicates
  9. Spark mass chaos by falsifying news of the apocalypse
  10. Infiltrate MI6's database and gain access to all their secrets
  11. Disgrace MI6 with a fake scandal and force the government to dismantle it
  12. Brainwash kidnapped MI6 agents with advanced mind control techniques
7. Henchman
  1. Indestructible giant, secretly sympathetic
  2. Dwarf with adorable tiny gun and boundless evil in heart
  3. Pun-loving, ambiguously queer duo of legbreakers
  4. Trio of blind jazz musicians with weapons hid in instruments
  5. Oriental wrestler with dozens of razors concealed in suit
  6. Fortune teller with pet snake and power of seduction
  7. Tattooed harpoonist who speaks an impenetrable dialect
  8. Knifethrower twins, born and raised in a travelling carnival
  9. Hospital matron with an affection for electroconvulsive therapy
  10. Master of disguise, given away by unnaturally sharp canines
  11. Authentic Japanese samurai
  12. Grace Jones
8. Pet
  1. White Persian cat
  2. Burmese python
  3. Pair of spotted hyaenas
  4. Komodo dragon
  5. School of piranhas
  6. Bearded vulture
  7. Colony of army ants
  8. Moray eel
  9. Giant octopus
  10. Pug
  11. Jaguar
  12. Carnivorous plant
9. Demise
  1. Devoured by own pet while screaming for mercy
  2. Thrown into ravine following cliff-edge struggle
  3. Shot through heart following pistol duel in labyrinth
  4. Crashes expensive car following high-octane chase scene
  5. Impaled on eighteenth-century dueling sword
  6. Sucked out window of depressurized airplane
  7. Abandoned in inhospitable environment, dies of exposure
  8. Tries to escape in helicopter, is blown out of sky
  9. Attatched to heavy object and cast into body of water
  10. Doused in fuel and set aflame by flicked cigarette
  11. Can't escape lair before climax of self-destruct sequence
  12. Fakes own death, returns in next film

1 comment:

  1. Like this for different reasons. Had to roll a few just for laughs too.