Nobody ever actually hires them. People aren't that hard to kill, and there's always some asshole hanging around a tavern who'll do it for the local equivalent of a buck fifty. Here is a selection of those assholes.
|have at thee!|
- Katy the Sponge. So named for her habit of sponging up every last drop of her victim's blood before leaving them lying in an alley. Often this takes long enough that somebody wanders along and she has to kill them as well, which causes an unfortunate chain reaction.
- Jumbles Marco. Trying to build a Frankenstein in his basement out of trophies he takes from his victims, but can never remember which parts he's missing. Has three left feet and no right ones.
- Joey Two Eyes. Has two eyes. Believes for some reason that this is a huge deal. "I got one little advantage, see. These babies." *points to eyes*
- Goolblum the Wizard. Gets close by disguising self as wizard, then pulls knife out of hat.
- Mucky Mike Callahan. Always has a cold. Always having his sneak attacks foiled by ill-timed sneezes. Would otherwise be a pretty good assassin.
- Nimbus Urk. Moves with absolute silence. Sadly, is an eleven-foot swamp troll who glows in the dark. Often teams up with Mucky Mike, to the advantage of neither party.
- Puzzles Malone. Has a gimmick where if you solve all her puzzles you can go free. Puzzles are pretty hard, but this still leads to a lot of annoying conversations with clients when she has to explain why the guy she was paid to kill is still walking around.
- "The Butcher". Is a butcher. Flatly refuses to use any of her butchering equipment in her assassin work on the basis that it would be unhygienic.
- Colander Jones. Down-on-her-luck flower fairy. No wings. Crawls in through your window at night with tiny dagger between her teeth, the game plan being to fill you with holes until you bleed out. This never works, but she is a relentless optimist.
- Trudy Crabs For Hands. Four knives, one in each claw.
|thinking about all the black clothing he still has left to buy|