Tuesday, 26 April 2016

d10 More Terrible Assassins*

thank you, google image search

  1. Lichen Mahone. 100% success rate, but insists on going at her own pace. Has been known to take up to ten years for a single kill, by which time the intended victim had caught on, hunted down Mahone's employer and had their whole family slowly boiled.
  2. Fastidious Raj. Peculiar religious precepts mean he can only kill people who are wholly submerged in water. Has come up with various strategies involving barrels, trapdoors, rivers, bathtubs.
  3. Vargo Featherflank. Either committed to erotic griffin roleplay or genuinely believes self to be an erotic griffin. Jumps on victims from rooftops, nude except for clawed gloves, oiled and fully erect.
  4. Marta the Moustache. Lulls victims into a false sense of security by pretending to be utterly convinced that her false moustache renders her invisible. Distracts them with antics until her accomplice strikes.
  5. Mr. Cranberry. Reverse vampire. Has too much blood. Face is puffy with blood always. Holds people down and puts blood in them till their veins burst.
  6. Rem Bardscowl. Will only kill you with something that is an anagram of your name. Most of her victims, sadly, not named Fnike.
  7. Hildegard Spry. Gets really enthusiastic about the job, comes up with brilliant plans for like an hour then can't figure out how to make it as good as she wants it to be, gets bored and distracted and spends the next three days slumped on the couch reading comic books before finally doing a half-assed job at the last possible second.
  8. Oxman Jake Jarvis. Really really wants to one day kill someone with a stampede of oxen. Won't stop talking about it. Always trying to figure out if his latest job could possibly involve a stampede of oxen.
  9. Petra Squidlegs. Has squids for legs. Not individual tentacles, whole squids.
  10. The Right Honourable Thumbus T. Macflann. Poses as a merchant or local politician, approaches his target through the usual channels and offers a hefty, though not absurd, reward if they perform some moderately dangerous task. Task is 1000% more dangerous than he makes it out to be. Will actually pay reward, though, in order to maintain his cover.
*terribleness of assassins not guaranteed.


  1. YESSSSSSSSSS These are some good words you are making.

    1. Thank you Arnold!!

      I really want to run a game now where somebody places a bounty on the PCs' heads and every assassin on all of our lists comes after them in order of terribleness.

    2. Or in a random order. The players wont know if they'll get squidlegs this week or Satan.

      We should make them fight.

  2. These are amazing and stupid and I love them. Especially Petra Squidlegs.

  3. Too real, Hildegarde. Too real.