Thursday, 7 September 2017

Castles of the Marcher Lords

The Marcher Lord (roll twice)

  1. Extremely proud of his big bushy uncombed food-stained red beard
  2. Coddles his hounds, kicks servants around like they were mongrels
  3. Compulsively cracks his knuckles and hums ballads under his breath
  4. Likes to prove his toughness by breaking stuff over his bald head
  5. Laughs very loudly at inappropriate times. Loathes the humourless
  6. Launches arrows at birds and beasts from his bedchamber window
  7. Absolute stickler for the law. Punishes even the pettiest crimes
  8. Assumes everyone's trying to outwit him. Second-guesses everything
  9. Alcoholic. Cruel when sober. Melancholy and regretful when drunk
  10. Loves chess. Harbours secret hatred for anyone who beats him
  11. Searches chronicles for evidence of crimes against his ancestors
  12. Knows the name and face of every last one of his subjects
  13. Gaunt and sinister. Vomits up two-thirds of everything he eats
  14. Always remodeling the castle. Can't make his mind abut it
  15. Disgusted by his own sexual impulses. Self-flagellates a lot
  16. Gets splitting headaches that confine him to bed for weeks on end
  17. Eats more than should be possible for any one man. Missing teeth
  18. Absolutely devoted to his wife. Gives her anything she wants
  19. Loathes his children and beats them on the slightest pretext
  20. Completely sane. Pretends to be mad for political reasons

Friday, 1 September 2017

Pamphlet Generator

Scrap had a thread about neglected literary traditions. It led to me writing a generator for the titles of pamphlets that you might see on the street in seventeenth-century England. HERE IT IS.

Sunday, 27 August 2017

Yoon-Suin Market Generator

Each market has a location and is open at a certain time of day.

Location

  1. Along a main street, stalling traffic
  2. An intricate maze of back alleys
  3. The rooftops of private homes
  4. Hundreds of small wooden boats
  5. A bridge crossing the river
  6. A sandbar, gone at high tide
  7. A cemetery, still in use
  8. A temple, before the god’s altar
  9. A natural system of caves
  10. The ruins of a crumbling palace

Time

  1. Dawn
  2. Morning
  3. Afternoon
  4. Dusk
  5. Night
  6. All hours

Each market contains a number of submarkets. I'm calling these 'streets' - I don't have a better name for them.

Each street sells either mundane goods or luxury goods. A small market will have one mundane street, a medium-sized one will have 1d3 mundane streets and one luxury street, a large market will have 1d3 mundane streets and 1d3 luxury streets.

For mundane streets, roll 1d20 on the goods table. For luxury streets, roll 1d20+10. This basically gives you two tables with an overlapping set of entries.

The Epicormic Zone

The bombs were pregnant with flame-resistant seed, designed to bloom under conditions of intense heat. After the inferno came the season of regrowth. Roots bored through shattered concrete to find purchase in soil. Flowers strangled the ruined city. They do not bear fruit - the refugees go hungry.

Encounters
  1. Aristocrats of the old regime distracting themselves from hunger with an orgy.
  2. Bee witch. Stooped beneath the weight of the hives mounted on her back.
  3. Man dressed as superhero looking for pound of hidden hashish.
  4. Children riding a friendly elephant, looking for her husband.
  5. Policeman disguised as scarecrow. Follows you around, freezes if spotted.
  6. Pruners with secateurs and dried-ear necklaces trying to make everything less confusing.
  7. Swarm of startled bats with tiny bombs attached to their collars.
  8. Rubble-clearing slaves overseen by fat man with flammenwerfer.
  9. Wild police dogs. Feral and starving but will obey anyone in a helmet.
  10. Garlanded pagans seeking volunteers to be sacrificed. Men have hammers, women sickles.
Locations
  1. Crashed B-52 with skeleton in cockpit, unexploded bombs still in hold.
  2. Refugee camp in underground train station. Entrance marked by flowers.
  3. Observation balloon. Ivy climbs the ropes that tether it to the ground.
  4. Concert hall. Still set with stage decorations for patriotic opera.
  5. Old re-education school for children orphaned by the police.
  6. Rail-mounted supercannon. Bouquet sprouts from barrel.
  7. Penguin exhibit in empty zoo. White concrete and stagnant water.
  8. Police station. Prisoner in darkest cell unsure if war's over.
  9. High-domed cathedral, adopted as a sanctuary by small birds.
  10. War minister's private bunker. Maps glued to every surface.
Treasures
  1. Forty cans of beans. No can opener.
  2. Wheelbarrow full of pre-war cash.
  3. Automatic pistol. Jams one shot in three.
  4. Gimp suit made from mystery plastic.
  5. Damaged reels of short slapstick film.
  6. Kazoo that controls bees with coded buzzing.
  7. Subcritical lump of enriched uranium-235.
  8. Box of lead soldiers, tiny brushes, paints.
  9. 144 D-ration bars of bitter chocolate.
  10. Glass tube of methamphetamine pills.

Sunday, 20 August 2017

Yoon-Suin Opium Table

My players are all opium addicts. The whole plot of the campaign is just them doing crimes to get more opium. There's already a table in the book for what happens when you smoke opium, but I wanted the effects to have a larger game impact and be more likely to be bad. Hence this. Probably a few ways you could use it.

EFFECTS

GOOD
BAD
1
Nothing happens.
Nothing happens.
2
Jittery. Your nerves are on fire and everything makes you flinch. +2 dodge bonus to AC.
Lethargic. You can’t keep your eyes open and everything seems to move in slow motion. -2 AC.
3
Furious. You are filled with a terrible hatred of all living things. +2 to attack rolls.
Peaceful. You are filled with a great love for all living things. -2 to attack rolls.
4
Alert. You can see every detail of everything. +1 to critical hit range.
Vague. The world is a blur to you. +1 to fumble range.
5
Dulled pain reception. You can’t feel anything. 1d8 temp hit points, lost when opium wears off.
Heightened pain reception. You feel everything, way too much. Take +1 damage from all attacks.
6
Competent. You feel like you can do anything. +2 to all skill checks.
Forgetful. You can’t remember how anything works. -2 to all skill checks.
7
Mildly precognitive. Always go first in combat.
Melancholy. Don’t care if you live or die. Always go last in combat.
8
Paranoid. They’re all out to get you. You can’t be ambushed or taken by surprise.
Echolalia. You can’t stay silent unless gagged.
9
Friendly. Everyone is great. People you meet for the first time will like you and want to do favours for you.
Dry mouth. You need to drink something every fifteen minutes or you stop being able to talk.
10
You can understand all languages and can make a Wisdom save to determine if someone is lying.
You forget how to read and automatically believe anything you’re told unless you make a Wisdom save.
11
Gold smells like cinnamon to you. You will always know if there’s any in the vicinity, unless it’s actual cinnamon.
Your digestive system rebels against you. Take 1d6 damage from gut cramp whenever you eat.
12
You gain an unseen servant, as per the spell, that can’t attack but otherwise does your bidding.
Whenever you take damage, make a Wisdom save or be paralysed with laughter for one round.
13
Fire doesn’t hurt you, but tickles immensely.
Pure water burns you like acid.
14
You can see, and speak to, the ghost of anyone who has died in the last day.
All animals that see you feel compelled to harass you.
15
Your features flow like liquid. Once an hour you can make a Wisdom save to look like anyone you want to look like.
You must be outside, breathing the fresh air. You can’t stay in any enclosed space unless you make a Wisdom save.
16
You enter a creative trance and write an excellent poem, which can be sold to a journal or traded to a noble for a favour.
Music sounds so beautiful to you that you are immobilised with delight so long as you can hear anyone playing it, unless you make a Wisdom save.
17
A vision shows you victory. Can be cashed in by player to critically succeed on any roll.
A vision shows you defeat. Can be cashed in by DM to make player critically fail any roll.
18
A demon comes to you in a vision and offers you a bargain.
You blunder into the dream-realm of a minor deity and are now obliged to placate it.
19
A vision shows you a dangerous place where treasure is hidden.
You dream of thieves and awake to find d100 gp missing from your purse.
20
A vision resolves something that’s been bothering you. You can ask the DM a question and they will give you a helpful answer.
You are now addicted to opium.

VISIONS
1
You wrestle
A beautiful courtesan
In a tranquil garden
2
You ride on the back of
A pustulent leper
In an endless library
3
You play chess with
A colossal worm
In a cave of jewels
4
You make love to
A ferocious tiger
In a palace of glass
5
You are chased by
A swarm of beetles
In a tropical jungle
6
You are eaten by
A chattering monkey
In a burning city
7
You debate philosophy with
A rotting corpse
In a lifeless desert
8
You get married to
A bronze statue
On a sinking ship
9
You eat dinner with
Your best friend
Atop a high mountain
10
You are told secrets by
Your worst enemy
Atop a thundercloud

HOW ADDICTION WORKS
Whenever you rest, if you didn’t smoke any opium that day, roll on the withdrawal table.
  1. Nothing.
  2. Can’t regain HP until the next time you smoke opium. If you already have this, take 1d6 damage.
  3. -4 to random stat until the next time you smoke opium.
  4. Roll on the bad effects table. Effect lasts until the next time you smoke opium.
  5. Monkey demon follows you around harassing you until the next time you smoke opium.
  6. You are no longer addicted to opium.

Friday, 18 August 2017

Hyperaustralis

This stretch of Hyperaustralis is an ice age Australia grating painfully up against the mystical Altai mountains. Chinese heroes wander through the region on their way to Shangri La and death. Mongolian peasants smile and grumble against the impossible cold. Caravans pass through and herbalists scour the land for duyao, rare and powerful ingredients in sacred medicine. The indigenes of Australia do their best to leave the place the hell alone; they understand that this is not a place for mortal arrogance.

Frozen Rainforest

The forest has three layers, each of which can be traversed. The branches of the eucalypts support a sheet of ice, thick enough to support a person's weight, a dripping glass ceiling suspended above the forest below. A layer of heavy moss carpets the tangled mass of roots and vines and broken branches that is the forest floor. Beneath the moss, wombat warrens and gullies cut twisting paths through the rootmass. 

The ground here is almost as great a danger as the denizens. Ice will crack, snow will slide away, wet moss will hide the fragility of the branches below. If you want to you could map the terrain of an encounter as a 10x10 grid, scattered with 3d4 loose, 2d4 weak, and 1d4 fragile sections of ground. A horsecart will break fragile ground, heavily armoured people fall through weak ground, heavy set people will break loose ground. Running, jumping, falling or getting thrown around upgrades your weight class; you move slow as hell or risk losing a foot, maybe dropping straight through.


Flora and Fauna Horrible Danger People Duyao
1 Moss
Frozen toads
A tawny frogmouth
Gu zheng spider - legs stretched over the arboreal web like it’s playing a gu zheng. Plucking strands shakes free icicles to drop on those below. Use the dangerous ground generator to find out where the icicles are Well-meaning, gullible young shaman wants to commune with an animal/forest spirit to find out what's wrong with the bush. Has no idea what the appropriate etiquette is Frozen green tree frog
2 Bracken
Bumbling echidna
Flittering waxeyes
Leaf curling spider - ground generator shows you which cylindrical bark cocoons the whole spider can push through, which are smaller traps that your legs will slip into, ready for grabbing. Generally found in mating pairs. An inseminated pedipalp is worth a small fortune as aphrodisiac Herbalist discovered a powerful-seeming new duyao, but one of their companions was badly injured by the wildlife. They think they know where medicine can be found, as well as the rare duyao Inseminated pedipalp
3 Staghorn
Inquisitive wallabies
Pair of currawong
Pit spider - makes thin web roofs over roo-sized pits. It’s surprisingly hard to climb out. The spider waits until you’re exhausted before burrowing through the wall to collect you Caravan forced onto the delicate ice-path above the trees by an enraged ’thunder bird’,a dromornis. The leader of the caravan is, quite unwittingly, wearing a cap decorated with the feathers of the bird’s mateBeech nuts
4 Lichen
Ghost moths
Black cockatoos
Pygmy possum den. Once you fall in, arm-length possums pour out of the exposed tunnels to gnash at you. You can't climb out, but you can bash through the snow around you to open out at even bigger pitCrew of furriers came out to hunt the thylacoleo, have instead spent the last few days trying to get pygmy possums out their den and most just getting bitten into retreat Witchetty grubs
5 Fallen eucalypt
Little red flying foxes
Unbearably loud lorikeets
A roost of flying foxes sleeps in the shadows above, guano dripping quietly down. There are three species. Little reds eat flowers, impart a rash. Black foxes eat bugs, cause madness. Grey-maned foxes mash people up to drink their blood. Their breathe is said to shred the lungs.Team of loggers camped above the canopy, most pruning leaves off eucalypt branches, a few abseiling down the bald tree, logging the trunk in sections. Would value help with the work, are going to be fucked if they wake up the foxes.Bushels of eucalypt
6 Cinnamon fungus
Cicadas
Kookaburra
The whole middle layer of the forest has been overgrown with wait-a-while, cut free from its surroundings and hoisted into the air by a band of tiger quolls. They're going to drop it on you. They do not have a plan for how to get you out once they've trapped you under itTiger quoll shaman. As smart as a dumb, hungry goblin, but surprisingly cogent when it comes to the cinnamon fungus; she can feel the threat it offers the forest, will assume you are its agent Cicada skins


Salt Flats

Lashed by a thin, bitter wind that kicks salt into your eyes and leaves a dry taste in your mouth. From the feet of mountains out to the shallow pockets of trapped ocean, dry grasses cling to life and herds of strange animals follow strange shepherds. Though there are monasteries here, forts and towns, most people are semi-nomadic, whether trading, hunting, droving, praying or politicking.


People AnimalsBreed Traits Tradegoods Secret Knowledge
1 Cook and herdsmen Bovine Flatulent. Enough dung to make a campfire every night. Impossible to be around after a meal Salt and animals Seeing of futures in fire
2 Wandering hero and sidekicks Porcine Inquisitive. Twitching nose can find food, water and lost friends. Loves treats Weapons and charms Reading of terrain
3 Shaman and attendants Equine Fecund. Enough milk to make a big ol' cheese wheel every week or half a ration every day. Picky about foodIncense and fabrics Etiquette of the spirit world
4 Merchant and bodyguards Hircine Alert. Twitching ears prevent ambush. Hates liars Spices and silk Leyline navigation
5 Minor royal and hunting buddies Canine Friendly. Will play with children, make adults chuckle, earn you friendship in most villages. Easily distractedGems and wine Language of a beast; bird, horse, goat, etc
6 Herbalist and monks Cervine Clean. Antibacterial saliva will help heal superficial wounds, protect against infection. Licks everything compulsively Aphrodisiacs and rare woodsHealing. Herbal medicine

echidnas: they are in snow sometimes

not quite this because this is in canada