Thursday, 7 September 2017

Castles of the Marcher Lords

The Marcher Lord (roll twice)

  1. Extremely proud of his big bushy uncombed food-stained red beard
  2. Coddles his hounds, kicks servants around like they were mongrels
  3. Compulsively cracks his knuckles and hums ballads under his breath
  4. Likes to prove his toughness by breaking stuff over his bald head
  5. Laughs very loudly at inappropriate times. Loathes the humourless
  6. Launches arrows at birds and beasts from his bedchamber window
  7. Absolute stickler for the law. Punishes even the pettiest crimes
  8. Assumes everyone's trying to outwit him. Second-guesses everything
  9. Alcoholic. Cruel when sober. Melancholy and regretful when drunk
  10. Loves chess. Harbours secret hatred for anyone who beats him
  11. Searches chronicles for evidence of crimes against his ancestors
  12. Knows the name and face of every last one of his subjects
  13. Gaunt and sinister. Vomits up two-thirds of everything he eats
  14. Always remodeling the castle. Can't make his mind abut it
  15. Disgusted by his own sexual impulses. Self-flagellates a lot
  16. Gets splitting headaches that confine him to bed for weeks on end
  17. Eats more than should be possible for any one man. Missing teeth
  18. Absolutely devoted to his wife. Gives her anything she wants
  19. Loathes his children and beats them on the slightest pretext
  20. Completely sane. Pretends to be mad for political reasons

Friday, 1 September 2017

Pamphlet Generator

Scrap had a thread about neglected literary traditions. It led to me writing a generator for the titles of pamphlets that you might see on the street in seventeenth-century England. HERE IT IS.