Sunday, 16 August 2015


The Dunk went away on a conglomerate holiday and made this. A million internet points if you can guess where we went.

The year is FUTURE. The world is a fucking hole. People did nukes everywhere and now the ground is poisonous metal. A combination of Mad Max*, Ork tech from 40k and Mirrodin. Everybody is fucked up completely, having a pretty good time. Face it, everybody ever has a pretty good time if you give them…

*everything is Mad Max these days that movie was really darn pretty


Magbikes work by dragging in air, ionizing it, shooting it around a magnetized spiral to build up speed, firing it down and backwards. Magbikes are unstable and scary and fun and beautiful. Everyone has them because if you touch the ground you die. Here is them:
  • Contrail
    1. Glittering, ionized dustcloud
    2. Aurora-borealis-style light stream
    3. Shimmering columns of heat
    4. Burn marks on the air
    5. Apophenic billows of gas
    6. Splintered wake of earth
    7. Nauseating subsonic howl
    8. Horizontal tornado
  • Frame
    1. Square jet engine with handles
    2. Sleek, melted space Harley
    3. Poised, back-heavy jungle cat
    4. Sealed polyglass bubbles
    5. Pod-racer; chariot dragged by engines
    6. Explosion of metal, spines, teeth
    7. Symmetrical fulgurite
    8. Rider(s) suspended in gyroscope
  • Controls
    1. Theremin
    2. Detached floating wheel
    3. EEG impulse helmet
    4. ‘Superman’ body rig
    5. Touch gel
    6. N64 controller
    7. Put your face in this hole
    8. Surfboard
  • Quirk
    1. Must manually blow into intake to start engine
    2. No airbrakes; can only slow down with sweet wheelies
    3. Vibrates at natural frequency of human bone
    4. All metal surfaces painfully cold to touch
    5. Calibrated to use blood as cooling fluid
    6. Supersonic engine hum causes manic depression
    7. Becomes frictionless at high enough speeds
    8. Weighs 20% of what it should
  • ‘Splode
    1. Gouts of lightning flow from engine
    2. Metal pinwheel torn apart by own dipole
    3. Ionic fireball devoid of smoke
    4. Slow, silent firework
    5. Ripples into atomization
    6. Shockwave of steam
    7. Torn apart as if by invisible giant
    8. Consumed by rust in seconds 

Probably use ‘Splode table roll to find the equivalent of each vehicle shooting out smoke when damaged.

Here are some other things:







Be what you want there are no rules. There are no wizards but magic is real. Electromagi, Greaseblood Shamans, Void Prophets. Also lasers, swords, rocket launchers. Everything you can dream of but it’s all built in a shed while on drugs. Roll once on the table below for every decade you’ve lived, plus once for good luck.

  1. Catfish whiskers
  2. Eyes are hunks of photosensitive muscle
  3. Kidneys in skull
  4. External sinuses
  5. Roof of mouth is single large tooth
  6. Second, shit tongue under first
  7. Eyes blink sideways
  8. Lips made of hair
  9. Knees backwards
  10. Feet flipped on axis; big toes on outside
  11. Tastebuds on soles of feet
  12. Fur across shoulders, down spine
  13. Vestigial tail
  14. Vestigial wings
  15. Vestigial gills
  16. Vestigial sub-brains in heels
  17. Webbed fingers
  18. Fine black scales down neck and chest
  19. Half-sized legs
  20. Double-sized legs
  21. Star-nosed mole nose
  22. Nostrils smeared across cheeks
  23. Armpit hair is anemones
  24. Whole torso covered in nipples
  25. Sapient hair; treat it well it treats you well
  26. Hornlike forehead tumor
  27. Ribs breach skin
  28. Ankle spurs
  29. Wrist spurs
  30. Extra finger joints
  31. Spine forms a knot
  32. Two spines
  33. Boneless wrists
  34. Intestine loops outside skin
  35. Navel is anus
  36. Huge chest, four lungs
  37. Hooves
  38. Bony plates on joints
  39. Layers of translucent skin, like paperbark
  40. Blood flashes into steam on contact with metal
  41. Blood has consistency of yogurt
  42. No ears, hears with bones
  43. Nose upside-down
  44. Mouth upside-down. Hard to notice
  45. Covered in tiny, functionless pinholes
  46. All hair is thin feathers
  47. No bones, only cartilage
  48. No cartilage, only bone
  49. Face muscles paralyzed
  50. Brain in backwards
  51. Brain stem emerges from base of neck
  52. Orangutan arm proportions
  53. Pouch w/ jellybean-sized babies
  54. Sweats mucus
  55. Perpetual nosebleed
  56. Teeth stick to each other
  57. All front teeth are canines
  58. Finger bones rattle
  59. Pinhead-sized leukocytes
  60. Toenails don’t stay on for more than a week
  61. Can’t distinguish between letters and numbers
  62. Colour receptors are blue, purple, ultraviolet
  63. Sees dark as light, light as dark
  64. Doesn’t understand how arguments work
  65. Can only play any given piece of music once
  66. Can’t hear 4/4 beats
  67. Constantly giggles out of back of throat
  68. Allergic to bad grammar
  69. Allergic to politeness
  70. Says everything twice
  71. Says everything twice
  72. Runs a blog
  73. Second, tiny face on neck
  74. Mouth on ribs speaks riddles
  75. Fleshtunnel through abdomen
  76. All hair grows inwards, is visible under skin
  77. Blisters in every crevice
  78. Inelastic skin, hangs in folds
  79. Symmetrical mottling
  80. One eye solid cataracts
  81. Whole skin is callus
  82. At high enough temperatures, melts just a little
  83. Migratory warts
  84. Pregnant with birds
  85. Respiratory system, circulatory system, digestive system, antfarm system
  86. Small internal fire warms blood
  87. Keeps minor organs in body of dog
  88. Dog keeps minor organs in body of you
  89. Face like a fish’s face
  90. Face like a whole fish
  91. Slowly begin to look more and more like whoever you’re talking to
  92. Walrus tusks
  93. Camel hump
  94. Digestive sacks hang from waist
  95. Toes are little cactuses
  96. Shits flowers
  97. Body covered in giant, fractal wrinkle
  98. Face like samurai mask
  99. Valuable jewel embedded in throat keeps whole system functioning
  100. Stupid hair 

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