Wednesday, 2 January 2019

d50 villains

  1. Crime Slime. Big green ooze in a domino mask and a trenchcoat, holding about fifteen guns in its pseudopods. Talks like Tony Soprano.
  2. Couch Potato. Giant potato with big blue eyes and stumpy little arms that is toted around in a sedan chair by its henchmen. Buries foes in the dirt to feed its little potato babies.
  3. Cardsharp. Gambler with a thin moustache. Has exactly fifty-two razor-sharp throwable playing cards - when the deck runs out, the crime is over.
  4. Diving Belle. Woman in a Victorian diving suit with wetsuited, speargun-toting henchman and a flying submarine that crashes in through walls. Cannot swim.
  5. Saguaro. Big slow half-cactus bruiser who wears a cowboy hat and hugs enemies to death. Spongy flesh is hard to damage. Can heal by planting feet in soil.
  6. The Gecko. Cat burglar who climbs walls with sticky feet. Is constantly licking own eyeballs with long translucent tongue and making weird clicking sounds.
  7. Mancrab. Homeless hermit with crushing claws who steals hollow objects to use as shells. Robs banks just for the vaults. Would like to get big enough to wear the Sydney Opera House.
  8. El Conquistador. Don-Quixote-esque lunatic in steel helmet. Claims the wealth of the banks he robs for the Spanish crown. Underlings dressed as Renaissance musketmen.
  9. Killbug. Rolls into a chitinous ball and barges through town, knocking people over. Is constantly explaining that he is technically an isopod, not a bug.
  10. Stampede. Possessed by the spirit of a dead ecosystem. Has the power to summon a horde of ghost bison that charge down the street, destroying everything in sight.
  11. Parasite Wasp. Venomous ovipositors in her hands. Lays her eggs in important people, and controls their minds, so her babies will have a secure place to grow.
  12. Maid Marionette. Turned to a life of crime after she was fired from the children's TV show she created. Uses dark magic to animate evil puppet versions of pop-culture figures and superheroes.
  13. Flagburner. Hates patriotism and wants to destroy all symbols of America, from the Statue of Liberty to Mount Rushmore. Wears black. Definitely extremely evil.
  14. Joy Buzzer. Prankster with electrical powers. Can imbue seemingly harmless objects with lethal static charges that hurl people across rooms.
  15. Iceberg. Giant carved from craggy ice. Can't be stopped by anything except heat. Gentle at heart and loves to play with his two pet fairy penguins.
  16. Snow Day. Former science teacher who grew to hate school so much that she built a weather-controlling device to bring the city to its knees. Henchmen are delinquent students in turtlenecks.
  17. The X-Terminator. Self-styled hero who pumps poison gas into crooks' apartments and has creepy fascist overtones. Has long-term plan to target George Soros.
  18. Toastmaster. Breakfast-themed, with fried-egg gun and combat spatula. Seems funny until he sprays boiling bacon fat into your eyes.
  19. Pet Peeve. Can speak to all domestic animals and convince them to turn them against their masters. Uses them as a spy network and knows everything that goes on in the city.
  20. Red Scare. Torments capitalists with hallucinogenic fear gas, which mostly gives them nightmares of the working class rising up to reclaim the fruits of their labour.
  21. Red Herring. Traps capitalists in elaborate underwater death labyrinths and forces them to solve riddles to escape. Failures get fed to carnivorous fish.
  22. Loan Shark. Hammerhead shark in a cheap suit who runs a pawnshop and bites the legs off his debtors. Wisecracking remora attached to chest.
  23. Little League. Twelve-year-old baseball prodigy and criminal mastermind who turned to crime when he became too old for the game. Goons wear uniforms and beat people with bats.
  24. Brass Monkey. Monkey in a top hat and goggles, equipped with an array of steampunk gadgets. Hates cold and only works in summer.
  25. Knucklehead. Head is a fist. Fists are also fists. Has a gun that shoots fists. Has trouble working out how to commit fist-themed crimes.
  26. The Mammal. Bit by a radioactive mammal, now has all the powers of every mammal. Tracks prey like a wolf, runs like a cheetah, punches like a gorilla, swims like a dolphin, etc.
  27. Stable Abel. Cat burglar with perfect balance. Can never be knocked over. Spirit-level vision - always knows how close to level any given surface is.
  28. Mister Blister. A slave to the sapient acidic blisters that cover every inch of his skin. Squirts corrosive pus at enemies. Does not enjoy life.
  29. Helen Killer. Deaf-blind assassin who hunts by vibrations in the air. Delivers hilarious Bond-style quips by means of a sign language interpreter that follows her everywhere - she's holding his family hostage.
  30. Turf War. Huge man with enormous pruning shears, wrapped in layers of high-quality lawn turf that muffle all blows. Talks to the grass and takes its advice.
  31. The Luddite. Hates technology, wields a huge hammer. Nothing invented after 1700 works in her vicinity. 
  32. Deathwish. Suicidal guy with luck powers. Does violent crime and gets into dangerous situations in the hope that it'll kill him, but survives by outrageous coincidence.
  33. Wet Willie. Skin is permanently damp and slippery, making him hard to get hold of. Can squeeze through small spaces like he was made of jelly. Likes to sneak up behind you and put his finger in your ear.
  34. The Prickly Pair. Team-Rocket-esque duo of gunslinging outlaws who are constantly taking offence at minor insults. Mascot is a trained, highly-intelligent burrowing owl.
  35. Wireframe. A luminous green video game skeleton that escaped from the computer into reality. Can clip through walls and teleport randomly around the map.
  36. Clickbait. Gets more powerful the more attention is paid to her. A big fan of sexy costumes and controversial political opinions.
  37. The Raw Prawn. Extremely Australian mercenary, known for his brutal honesty and appallingly fishy body odour. Expert in maritime assassination. Fears being whacked on the barbie.
  38. The Dropbear. Big hairy guy in leather who assassinates people by HALO jumping on top of them. Commonly thought to be an urban legend.
  39. Lemon Squeezy. Guy with a squirt gun attached to a big tank of lemon juice on his back. Only move is to squirt lemon juice into your eyes and laugh. Wears yellow.
  40. Spin Cycle. Ex-wrestler dressed like a washing machine. Utility belt contains slippery soap, caustic detergent and deadly tide pods.
  41. Pillowfight. In her hands, pillows and cushions become heavy as lead and unbreakable as adamantium. If she throws them they turn into feather-filled bombs. Prefers to rob IKEAs.
  42. Sargasso. Enormous animated blob of tangled, decaying seaweed that wraps you up and chokes you. Releases sulphurous fumes that rust metal. Lonely.
  43. Hocus POTUS. The American president from another dimension where everyone is magic. Plots to take over the America of this world.
  44. Daily Grind. Golem made from used coffee grounds. Raids cafes to get more grounds to supplement its rotting form. Will suffocate you, but smells great.
  45. Thunderhead. Head is a perpetually-roiling storm cloud. Shoots bolts of lightning when she gets angry. Voice is modulated thunder.
  46. Stunt Double. Capable of being in two places at the same time. One body creates distractions by doing fantastic, death-defying stunts while the other commits sneaky crimes.
  47. Firedamp. Exudes and controls clouds of flammable gas. Wears heavy leather padding to protect them from the inevitable explosions caused by people shooting at them. Henchmen dressed as miners carrying lanterns.
  48. The Oaf. Incredibly stupid, reasonably strong man who, due to a gypsy's blessing, can't be injured or defeated by anybody smarter than he is.
  49. Crookatoo. Flashy gangster who dresses all in white, with a yellow plume in his hat. Cracks open nuts with his teeth and repeats everything said to him.
  50. Stickybeak. Bird guy with a glue gun.


  1. These are beautiful. Beautiful! Especially Deathwish, The Oaf, Hocus POTUS, and Red Herring.

  2. I support Hocus POTUS for 2020

  3. Like Your Blog Its Very Informative & Intresting
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