Tuesday, 13 February 2018

Goblin Market Generator

Like the Yoon-Suin market generator but with goblins. Could fruitfully be used with the Hexcrawl of the Marcher Lords. For each street of the market roll once on the goods table, 1d3 times on the encounter table and once on the games table. Then scatter a bunch of these and these around. Zak's goblin market post is also useful - I feel like almost everyone has had a go at this at one time or another.



Location
  1. Bottom of the well
  2. On a bunch of lilypads
  3. Branches of a giant oak
  4. Underneath a toadstool
  5. Desolate crossroads
  6. Pitch-black cavern
  7. Under a burial mound
  8. In a wrecked ship
  9. Mouth of a giant
  10. Atop a thundercloud
  11. Beneath a laying hen
  12. In the castle walls
  13. Back of a big fish
  14. In a child's dream
  15. Behind the waterfall
  16. In the cows' pasture
  17. Patch of horrid brambles
  18. Inside the church
  19. Other side of the mirror
  20. In the town square, invisible
Goods (example)
  1. Eyes (bloodshot yellow orb you can plant anywhere in your skin)
  2. Hair (living wig that eats flesh and styles itself to your will)
  3. Tongues (forked snake's tongue that lets you lie to kings)
  4. Teeth (pouch of canines that sprout into skeleton animals when sown)
  5. Faces (visage so ugly that anyone who sees it turns to stone)
  6. Voices (beautiful castrato warble that breaks after you use it for a day)
  7. Shadows (leopard's shadow that acts on its own, kills stuff)
  8. Songs (satiric ballad that ruins the reputation of whoever's name you insert)
  9. Nails (iron nail that can hammer a shadow down)
  10. Candles (corpsefat candle held in hanged man's hand, paralyses onlookers)
  11. Keys (jade key that opens any door directly into the sea)
  12. Knives (obsidian dirk so sharp it can cut the bonds of family)
  13. Swords (dancing, singing, arrogant blade that must be groomed and amused)
  14. Traps (beartrap that, left in a forest, invariably catches a prince)
  15. Chains (chain of jaw-linked beetles stronger than any rope)
  16. Cages (flimsy metal birdcage that can hold smoke but nothing more solid)
  17. Shoes (slippers that let you dance forever without tiring)
  18. Hats (floppy, talkative cloth cap that warns of danger, never shuts up)
  19. Pouches (leather bag that that slightly alters anything you put in it)
  20. Carpets (beautiful intricate silk rug, always irritatingly wrinkled)
  21. Books (the Harry Potter novels. why are they here)
  22. Coins (pennies that scream when exchanged for fraudulent goods)
  23. Bottles (fat glass flask holding tiny inhabited city)
  24. Maps (chart of Hell's nine circles, with escape routes)
  25. Bells (small silver bell that silences all other sounds when rung)
  26. Mirrors (hand mirror sold as showing truth, gives everyone pig heads)
  27. Crowns (silver circlet that grants the wearer a kingdom on the Moon)
  28. Pots (cauldron that refuses to boil food for cowards)
  29. Sweetmeats (sugarplums that make you gain weight ten times quicker)
  30. Wines (foxglove liqueur that tastes exquisite, inflicts nightmares)
  31. Perfumes (scent that smells alluring to men, rotten to women)
  32. Fruits (peaches that make the eater incapable of digesting other food)
  33. Rocks (ordinary lump of granite, subject of vicious bidding war)
  34. Gems (rubies that the merchant swears will be visible under moonlight)
  35. Shells (sea-snail shell with a twisty corkscrew dungeon inside)
  36. Flowers (violet whose scent calms the enraged, enrages the calm)
  37. Eggs (robin's egg that hatches into a thunderstorm if kept warm)
  38. Beasts (prince turned into a pig, sold with pig turned into a prince)
  39. Birds (peacock that knows all languages, despises its captivity)
  40. Destinies (the fate of a great conqueror who dies young, kept in a thimble)
Encounters
  1. The Questing Beast taking a nap, kids braiding flowers into its mane
  2. The King and Queen of the Goblins having a marital spat
  3. Humble swineherd looking for their favourite pig
  4. Exiled prince looking to break the curse on their head
  5. Inquisitive baby blundering toward danger
  6. Orphans fleeing abusive aunt, looking for new home
  7. Besotted minstrel looking for their true love, who's hiding
  8. Old sea captain getting called out for telling bullshit stories
  9. Real magician challenging street conjurer to a sorcerer's duel
  10. Powerful, senile sorcerer getting befuddled by tricksy merchant
  11. Wealthy merchant stealing pennies from a blind beggar
  12. Faithful squire looking for their drunkard master
  13. Drunk knight trying to escape a pigpen, kids pushing him back
  14. Paladin in cold-iron plate harassing a harmless old woman
  15. Pallid young priest trying to convert goblins to Christianity
  16. Nude peasant, convinced they're invisible, trying to play pranks
  17. Quack doctor spruiking miracle cures to the deathly ill
  18. Local dignitary in stocks, getting pelted with dung
  19. Disguised lord trying to buy impotence remedy from loud merchant
  20. Goblins trying to pull a sword from a stone
  21. Leprechaun challenging all comers to arm-wrestle
  22. Enormous troll accusing a merchant of cheating
  23. Ponderous ogre at head of queue, slowly deciding what to buy
  24. Merchants squabbling over territory, their guards standing by
  25. Jugglers distracting the crowd from a pickpocket
  26. Sword-swallower trying to extract scimitar from their throat
  27. Clumsy fire-eater accidentally igniting people's tents
  28. Sad jester betting passers-by they can't make him laugh
  29. Warlock buskers attempting to conjure a small, amusing imp
  30. Two troupes of Morris dancers fighting each other
  31. Thief being tried under weird goblin law
  32. Goblin bailiff offering to dispense justice for money
  33. Witch gambling with people for their fortunes
  34. Goblin town crier spreading salacious rumours about the PCs
  35. Small animal grown to enormous size, running amok
  36. Talking animal begging not to be slaughtered
  37. Players in a game accusing each other of cheating
  38. Players accusing a game's judge of taking bribes
  39. Bookmaker taking bets on a game they know is rigged
  40. Famous game champion betting heavily on themselves
Games
  1. Conkers
  2. Poohsticks
  3. Cheese rolling
  4. Burning-barrel rolling
  5. Nettle eating
  6. Pancake racing (fry them while you run)
  7. Tin-bath rowing
  8. Pudding-boat racing
  9. Snail racing
  10. Ferret racing
  11. Gravy wrestling
  12. Bog snorkeling
  13. Worm charming
  14. Greased-pig chasing
  15. Gurning
  16. Black-pudding tossing
  17. Caber tossing
  18. Dwarf tossing
  19. Stone skimming
  20. Birdman contest

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