12 Things the Aurora Borealis is that Isn't Aliens

Because all it ever feels like it is is aliens. Or spirits of the dead or something. We can do better.

1. Ice madness. Can actually see the aurora in the eyes of afflicted people. They just see it when reasonably cold and looking up
2. Backwards time echoes of a magnetic doomsday device that will strike the area in the next hundred years
3. What the sky normally looks like - everywhere else is cloudy b/c of alien contrails/rivers of souls
4. How the sky celebrates Christmas
5. Shadow of a negaworld poorly superimposed over this one like that old blue-red 3D effect thing
6. Great sheets of luminescent sky algae feeding on overabundance of nitrogen
7. n-th dimensional demiurge has scrawled signature into latest project
8. Sign that the sky turtles have come to earth to breed and you will soon be finding sky turtle eggs about the place
9. Mountain-top monks weaving big green eternity blanket to forestall existential dread
10. What happens when the moon is close enough to reach out its tendrils and start grabbing at shit
11. World's diary. Major historical and geographic events recorded with significant bias
12. Elf poo